START

So many thoughts and feelings this day

Sorrow and doubt wanting me to dismay

Yet God pulls me closer even in the chill

He’s working for good that is His will

The sun is setting but it soon will return

Filling me up with more feelings to yearn

A new day, a fresh start, on the mystery of life

Moving on and not giving up even in strife

The prayers on my heart are too numerous to count

And the people I care for are those I worry about

For some they need peace on this tragic day

Others for clarity and understanding His way

Then there are some who need rest and relief

And those that wake up only knowing hardship and grief

For them that need healing, I pray that they find

That God is the ultimate healer of any kind

Lord, I’m so grateful for all that You do

Even though I can feel unworthy of You

You care for me so much and love me even more

Despite my past actions, You love me to my core

I’ve given You my heart and I’m thankful to be

Your heavenly daughter with a life to lead

So guide my footsteps and guard my heart

I want to live life for You, just help me start

4/27/15 – ALJ

Bitter

Thought we were becoming friends

But guess it was just a joke in the end

So go on and pursue all those near to me

I’ll sit back and watch with utter glee

Knowing you’ve tried once and failed
Isn't that just so typically male

Going first for my sister but no interest there

Then flirting with my cousin without a care

I thought I made my interest quite clear

And was hoping you’d want to be a dear

But now you’re on to another good friend

In circles, you’ll soon go ‘til the bitter end

Yet where that will be, only God does know

Let’s just hope you don’t have to settle too low

4-14-15 – ALJ

Ponder

Sometimes the quiet hurts more than the noise

Thoughts bounce around but never fill the void

Wonder will start to play tricks on your mind

Filling your world with empty visions in kind

Doubt creeps in and soon will take hold

Daring you to believe whatever you’re told

The lies that plague your mind grow stronger still

Each moment spent pondering your life and will

4/7/15 – ALJ

Unanswered

Oh, to know your mind

Would I run away?

Or would I understand?

Would it echo mine?

The questions swirl

Ever haunting my days

Is it wasted time?

Or something more?

What drives this force?

These desires of mine

Won’t let me rest

I’m captured now

By the thought of you and me

But there’s a part

That yearns to be free

If your thoughts were clear

Would it disappear?

This hope I live in

And this life I long for

I’ve played the fool before

And learned my lesson 

But there’s more to know

Only time will tell

I know this too well

Yet waiting is so hard

And the answers unclear

4/7/15 – ALJ

Captive

Dang it!

I just can't let it be.

Picking at scabs, until they bleed.

Not sure what scar will remain.

Just wanting to feel something today.

This hope inside grows,

Evermore pounding,

Pounding at the door.

Hope that wells deep inside, 

Holding me captive as I try to hide.

4/4/15 - ALj

Longing

I’ve started to hope

And it’s the worst part

Why do I strive

To listen to my heart?

I’m content on my own

Or so I use to be

But not now that I think

More about you and me

I fall into the trap

That I’ve been in before

Never learning my lesson

Stuck with the notion once more

That somehow I could find

Another person to love

It’s getting depressing

Where’s my answer from above?

I know that God loves me

And cares so much more

Than any man could

From any distant shore

But created in Him

I still long to be

Paired up with someone

That can share a life with me

4/1/15 – ALJ