ETHER

Shout it out
Into the ether
Nothing bounces back to me
Let it all out
Before it takes control
Don't want this feeling
Sick of fighting
Every day
Just want it to leave
Now
Just want it
To go away

6/15/2016 -- ALJ

Shout It Out

Shout it out into the ether
Nothing bounces back to me
Let it all out
Before it takes control of me
Don't want this feeling
Sick of fighting it every day
Just want it to leave now
Just want it to go away

6/15/16 -- ALJ

RELIEF

Finding relief in the words

Getting them all down

Catching them on paper

Before they’re no longer found

Releasing them to the world

Not holding on anymore

Easing the pain

The feelings you don’t want to feel

Your mind drifts

And thoughts fade away

Catch them now

Before they float away

Wanting them to drift away

High above the clouds

Wanting them to lift you away

Taking you with them

Pulling you free

Out of the muck

Out of the mire

Out of the horrid feelings in your mind

What is the beauty of the mess?

What will you find when you pull out all the words?

Will you find anything there left to save?

Will you feel anything at all?

After moments that you weep,

You’ll push yourself forward.

You work to move on,

Trying to stay strong.

But it’s harder today.

It’s hard in this moment.

How long it will last…

You don’t know it.

The one thing you want to avoid

It’s looking at you now

Right in the eye

You can’t avoid it

No matter how you try

6/15/16 – ALJ

Jumbled Thoughts

Finding relief in the words
Getting them all down
Catching them on paper
Before they're no longer found
Releasing it to the world
Not holding on anymore
Easing the pain and the feelings
That you don't want to feel anymore

Your mind drips and the thoughts fade away
Catch them now or they're likely to float away

Wanting them to drift away
High above the clouds
Wanting them to lift you up
Taking you with them
Pulling you free
Out of the mire and muck of your mind

What is the beauty of the mess
What will you find
When you pull out all the words that you find
Is there anything left
To save, to keep
Will you feel anything at all
After the moments that you weep
You'll push yourself forward
You work to move on
Trying to stay strong
But it's harder today
It's hard in this moment
How long it will last
You don't know it

The one thing you want to avoid
But it's looking at you now, right in the eye
You can't avoid it no matter how you try
It's standing there

6/15/16 -- ALJ

Desperation

The moment it sets in
Feeling like you can no longer win
You try and you try and you try
Wanting it to just pass you by
But reality sinks in
You can't win
You're alone
And you've failed
Not by trying
But by being
Alone
The word
On its own
Is something you fear
But continually hear
And it's okay
You say it over and over
Getting used to the sound
Starting down at the ground
Not feeling of worth
Alone on this earth
And it's okay
You want it to be okay
You wish it away
This sadness and gloom
Bringing nothing but doom
And soon you will feel
Something real
But for now
It's just you
On your own
And it's okay
Just don't let it carry you away

6/15/16 -- ALJ

Empty Seat

What’s worse than going alone?

An empty seat unplanned

Going on your own

Well it ain’t so bad

But sitting next to that seat

The one you tried and tried to fill

Rejection after rejection and is empty still

And there’s no more to do

Sick of asking after you and you and you

One can take only so much

And there’s a reason why

I don’t want to buy

Another ticket

No, not more than one

Because going on your own is fun

But not if you expected someone

To fill that empty seat

6/15/16 – ALJ

Restless Night

Too many drinks

Too many thinks

Too much on my mind

Boundaries and actions

Decisions of all kinds

It’s hard to stand back

To watch it all unfold

To let you live your life

Making choices so bold

What will you regret?

If anything at all

When morning breaks

Will you look back on that day

And even remember why

The freedom that you felt

The actions you partake

Do they feel as good now

As they did the other day?

Not thinking about the other

It should matter a little, somehow

But more importantly

Can you live with all of it now?

It saddens me to think

That it’s really okay with you

But even if you feel it

A sense of regret and loss

I still can’t be happy

Knowing what those actions might cost

6/4/16 – ALJ