Saturday, April 4, 2015

Captive

Dang it!
I just can't let it be.
Picking at scabs, until they bleed.
Not sure what scar will remain.
Just wanting to feel something today.
This hope inside grows,
Evermore pounding,
Pounding at the door.
Hope that wells deep inside, 
Holding me captive as I try to hide.

4/4/15 - ALj

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Longing

I’ve started to hope
And it’s the worst part
Why do I strive
To listen to my heart?

I’m content on my own
Or so I use to be
But not now that I think
More about you and me

I fall into the trap
That I’ve been in before
Never learning my lesson
Stuck with the notion once more

That somehow I could find
Another person to love
It’s getting depressing
Where’s my answer from above?

I know that God loves me
And cares so much more
Than any man could
From any distant shore

But created in Him
I still long to be
Paired up with someone
That can share a life with me


4/1/15 – ALJ

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Me

I am who I am
That's who I'm going to be
Take me as I am
Or just let me be

3/22/15 -- ALJ

Friday, March 20, 2015

Sometimes I Wonder

Why did it all start?
It makes me wonder
Stopping to think
That I really cannot say

It’s a need in my life
Though foolish to think
This absence that hurts
Like a yearning within

Keep searching for desire
Or stay content as I am
The fool continues to hope
As reality sinks in

I’m starting to choke
Pretending not to care
Knowing I have no control
Yet still won’t give it up

It’s all in God’s timing
So I must try to be
Happy and Joyful
In only just me

3/20/2015 – ALJ

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Ode to a Palindrome

What's in a name that starts where it ends?
The letters are simplified and reused once again
Start from the beginning or right at the end
Stop in the middle and then go back again

03/05/2015 -- ALJ

Monday, March 2, 2015

Fears

Good at making excuses
This is what I’ve found
Not others telling me no
Only my doubts that abound

I strive each day to better myself
Working to dismay those fears
Reaching towards my goal
Through hard work, sweat, and tears

3/2/2015 – ALJ

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

The Innkeeper - An Excerpt

My head was jarring that morning as I tried to sit up. The pounding at the door echoed the pounding in my head, the events from the previous night still foggy in my mind.
Tap, tap, tap went the noise at the door though in my head it sounded more like bang, Bang, BANG!
“Oh, easy there,” I call out, grimacing even at the sound of my voice.
I stumble to the door, clenching my head, and almost fall backwards as the door cracks open before I can reach out to open it.
“Morning, miss,” the young lady at the door whispers. There is worry on her face and a sense of urgency as she enters the room. Slowly she shuts the door behind her.
The sound of the latch clicks loudly in my mind.
“Water,” I say more as a realization than a command. But only moments later, the young girl hands me a glass. Rachel. Rachel is her name, I recall, taking a slow sip.
“Thank you,” I mutter before downing the rest.
My head is still pounding as I take a seat on the bed.
“Miss?” Rachel whispers, but I ignore her, trying instead to keep my stomach from wrenching, I take a deep breath followed by another.
“Please miss,” Rachel pleads urgently. I look up at her as she continues. “There is a man downstairs, asking for you.”
I look down at my state of undress. There is no possible way I can meet anyone looking like this.
“Tell him to come back later today,” I inform her, holding out the glass for more water.
She looks at the glass, unsure.
“He was dressed mighty fine,” Rachel explains. “Very important like.”
She had more to say, but hesitated, taking the glass instead to fill it again.
“Well,” I urge still waiting for further information, “out with it then.”
“He seemed very insistent that he must see you now.”
There was not a soul I knew that would be so well dressed. Nor was I expecting anyone today, especially not today. Who ever had decided he needed to see me would just have to wait. I ran an inn, after all, my business was on my schedule.
“And did he say who he was?” I ask.
Rachel is not able to answer, as there is a knock at the door.
“Alex?”
My heart drops at the sound of the deep voice that calls out my name.
“Alex.”
I can feel my hands become sweaty as I recognize the voice behind the door. I look to Rachel and her panicked eyes meet mine.
“Alex, please open the door.”
I swallow, unable to reply, but nod to Rachel, motioning for her to go to the door.
“Please, sir,” she politely asks through the cracked door, “Ms. Morgan would ask that you come back later.”
“Not later,” he states, pushing the door open in answer. “Now.”
Our eyes lock for a moment. My heart is racing. It is a good thing I am sitting down or I may have fainted.
He breaks the spell and finally looks away. The man motions to the door.
“You may go, miss.”
Rachel looks to me for approval and I give a slight nod. Then she leaves in a hurry, almost relieved by her release.
The tension stretches across the room and the door clicks behind him. The sound of the latch once again clicks loudly in my mind.
“I did not expect to see you again.”
The words slip slowly from my mouth.
“Nor I.”
In a few strides, he crosses the room to my bed as I stand to greet him.
“You are alive,” I state, reaching up to touch his face. My body needing to confirm what my eyes were seeing. So often I had spotted him in a crowd or mistook a guest and seen his face instead. But it was him.
His hand reached up to cover mine.
“Every inch of me,” he answered.
He embraced me and I began to sob. Not tears of sadness, but those of utter joy.
He had returned to me.
He was mine.

NaNoWriMo 2014 -- ALJ

For Michael