Me

I am who I am
That's who I'm going to be
Take me as I am
Or just let me be

3/22/15 -- ALJ

Sometimes I Wonder

Why did it all start?

It makes me wonder

Stopping to think

That I really cannot say

It’s a need in my life

Though foolish to think

This absence that hurts

Like a yearning within

Keep searching for desire

Or stay content as I am

The fool continues to hope

As reality sinks in

I’m starting to choke

Pretending not to care

Knowing I have no control

Yet still won’t give it up

It’s all in God’s timing

So I must try to be

Happy and Joyful

In only just me

3/20/2015 – ALJ

Ode to a Palindrome

What's in a name that starts where it ends?
The letters are simplified and reused once again
Start from the beginning or right at the end
Stop in the middle and then go back again

03/05/2015 -- ALJ

Fears

Good at making excuses

This is what I’ve found

Not others telling me no

Only my doubts that abound

I strive each day to better myself

Working to dismay those fears

Reaching towards my goal

Through hard work, sweat, and tears

3/2/2015 – ALJ

The Innkeeper - An Excerpt

My head was jarring that morning as I tried to sit up. The pounding at the door echoed the pounding in my head, the events from the previous night still foggy in my mind.

Tap, tap, tap went the noise at the door though in my head it sounded more like bang, Bang, BANG!

“Oh, easy there,” I call out, grimacing even at the sound of my voice.

I stumble to the door, clenching my head, and almost fall backwards as the door cracks open before I can reach out to open it.

“Morning, miss,” the young lady at the door whispers. There is worry on her face and a sense of urgency as she enters the room. Slowly she shuts the door behind her.

The sound of the latch clicks loudly in my mind.

“Water,” I say more as a realization than a command. But only moments later, the young girl hands me a glass. Rachel. Rachel is her name, I recall, taking a slow sip.

“Thank you,” I mutter before downing the rest.

My head is still pounding as I take a seat on the bed.

“Miss?” Rachel whispers, but I ignore her, trying instead to keep my stomach from wrenching, I take a deep breath followed by another.

“Please miss,” Rachel pleads urgently. I look up at her as she continues. “There is a man downstairs, asking for you.”

I look down at my state of undress. There is no possible way I can meet anyone looking like this.

“Tell him to come back later today,” I inform her, holding out the glass for more water.

She looks at the glass, unsure.

“He was dressed mighty fine,” Rachel explains. “Very important like.”

She had more to say, but hesitated, taking the glass instead to fill it again.

“Well,” I urge still waiting for further information, “out with it then.”

“He seemed very insistent that he must see you now.”

There was not a soul I knew that would be so well dressed. Nor was I expecting anyone today, especially not today. Who ever had decided he needed to see me would just have to wait. I ran an inn, after all, my business was on my schedule.

“And did he say who he was?” I ask.

Rachel is not able to answer, as there is a knock at the door.

“Alex?”

My heart drops at the sound of the deep voice that calls out my name.

“Alex.”

I can feel my hands become sweaty as I recognize the voice behind the door. I look to Rachel and her panicked eyes meet mine.

“Alex, please open the door.”

I swallow, unable to reply, but nod to Rachel, motioning for her to go to the door.

“Please, sir,” she politely asks through the cracked door, “Ms. Morgan would ask that you come back later.”

“Not later,” he states, pushing the door open in answer. “Now.”

Our eyes lock for a moment. My heart is racing. It is a good thing I am sitting down or I may have fainted.

He breaks the spell and finally looks away. The man motions to the door.

“You may go, miss.”

Rachel looks to me for approval and I give a slight nod. Then she leaves in a hurry, almost relieved by her release.

The tension stretches across the room and the door clicks behind him. The sound of the latch once again clicks loudly in my mind.

“I did not expect to see you again.”

The words slip slowly from my mouth.

“Nor I.”

In a few strides, he crosses the room to my bed as I stand to greet him.

“You are alive,” I state, reaching up to touch his face. My body needing to confirm what my eyes were seeing. So often I had spotted him in a crowd or mistook a guest and seen his face instead. But it was him.

His hand reached up to cover mine.

“Every inch of me,” he answered.

He embraced me and I began to sob. Not tears of sadness, but those of utter joy.

He had returned to me.

He was mine.

NaNoWriMo 2014 -- ALJ

Powerless

God has placed you on my heart

Though I do not know the reason yet

Very much strangers, but still I can’t help but ponder

Looking forward to the time when we will (finally) meet

All I can do is sit here and pray, which seems a powerless thing

But cast under a spell, I cannot tell, how long my wait will be

Trying to keep hopes from rising too high

Yet still I sit here and smile

God it’s in your hands

I am powerless now

And patiently seek your will

2/10/2015 – ALJ

TIME (or The Actor's Lament)

After months of preparation, it is time to start
You awaken each day knowing deep in your heart

More weeks will be spent in days full of work
The jam packed schedule that is starting to lurk

Time that is spent traveling near and far
While sitting in planes, in trains, or in cars

Time spent each morning (or night) in the chair
Working on make-up, wardrobe, and hair

Time spent waiting for each scene to be set
Working on lines and trying not to forget

Lighting and sound, each prop in its place
Knowing each movement in the right space

Time spent working again in each scene
Emitting emotions of happy, sad, or mean

Your ethic drives you to spend the day well
Working your hardest though at times it feels like hell

So little time left at the end of the day
Trying to rest and relax or maybe go play

Even after all that time there is still more to do
With talks for the press and numerous interviews

Question after question the time has just begun
To answer them plainly, each and every last one

Faces and more faces are seen every day
As you yearn for time spent far, far away

Then time on the carpet to wave and to smile
Soon after you know your cheeks will hurt for a while

Awards shows and accolades and pats on the back
It is time to be gracious even if praises may lack

But perseverance will prevail in the end
As you strive to prove yourself and the time that you spend

Cherish those moments then that rarely grace your door
And keep those close that mean even so much more

Find release in those that care
Not the ones that mock or stare

Your gentle spirit and strength lie within
But still it is easy to get sucked in

To the false lies and the demands of others
They will drag you down and try to smother

Yet the real you that needs to fight
Will still be there until the end of the night

So it will all be well worth it in the end
Support from family and that of your friends

Pursuing your dream surely is time well spent
Here's hoping that you get all that I meant.

12/25/14 - edited 1/24/15 -- ALJ