30

There's some relief in knowing

That I'll never have to be

Going back through life

In my twenties

I can leave worries in the past
And just take with me
All of the lessons
And some of the memories

I’m truly happy on this day
And there’s a smile upon my face
Knowing I’ve finally
Made it to this place

Lots of time and achievements
Three decades I’ve lived through
Here’s hoping that
There’s still more left to do

Thanks to the many along the way
Those that have supported, loved, and prayed
You all mean so much to me
In so many ways

7/16/15 – ALJ

Not in Control

Sure there are plenty of people that are perfectly happy being single. And I am. On most days. But today is not one of those days. Today I can’t help but wonder if it’s ever going to happen for me. And if it is, great. Then I’m happy to wait and know that in God’s own perfect timing things will happen. But what if you constantly wake up and hope that today will be the day. But in reality, that day is never coming. How do you live with that? How do you live knowing that the one thing that you think will make your life better will never happen? That you will never get to experience this wonderful part of life.

I don’t want to be single. Not today. But I know there are days when I am more than grateful to be on my own. It’s a paradox I live in. That I want to be fully on my own, but completely dependent on someone at the same time. To know that no matter what I was loved once. That I was desired.

How do you handle not being in control of your life?

BRAVE

You don’t know it

And never truly will

Know the affect you had on me

But having you in my life

Even in this unique way

Has pushed me to be a better me

A stronger me

A prouder me

You helped me to be brave

And for that I will be grateful

Though at times I will want to be

Sad and lonely

And mostly disappointed

But I have still gotten something

And that can’t be taken away

I have challenged myself

And now I can say

That I am a better person

I’ve changed for good, you see

I am a braver person

And that’s not for you; it’s for me.

7/13/15 – ALJ

Before You

I had a life before you

And I’m getting back to that

But I’ll be here and ready

If you want to take some space

Reserve some time to know me

Or have a desire to talk

I’m trusting God to guide us

And if we’re meant to be together

Then He will not lead us astray

But for right now and on this day

I am going to keep in mind

That I have a life to lead

And for now it’s mine to spend

To use my time wisely

Because most likely in the end

I won’t be able to go back

To being the person I am today

If I’m meant to live a life with you

It’s bound to be full of adventure

And I’ll want to enjoy it until the end.

7/6/15 – ALJ