Complexities of a Simple World

Complexities of a simple world
the struggle to slow down
as idleness turns round and round

Enjoy the moments we have
take them all in
never knowing which will be our last

Be prepared for everything
but expect nothing in the end.

Why do we fight so hard
for a battle we cannot win?

What is the purpose of it now
after we leave it all behind?

Will we ever know the final meaning
or ever truly understand why?

We've made this life harder than before
the simple complexities that hold our lives in place
only make it that much harder to bear

Let's go back then to the beginning
when there wasn't such excess.

Rules and challenges, it was all about the day
and just getting to the next and not looking back
but so many worries are up ahead

And so the simple becomes boring and old
we're never satisfied.

Our lives can seem meaningless
unless we capture those moments;
But too much time spent staring and reliving
brings nothing good in the end.

We rely on others to bring us joy
and tell ourselves we'll be happy with them;
Yet they're struggling too in the same ways
just to keep afloat with a smile on their face.

While we try to cling, we eventually drown
pulling each other just further down.

It's an endless cycle that we're swimming in
as we swirl the drain
falling towards a bitter, lonely end

We need someone outside to pull us up and out
one great enough to fill us with joy
though the world despairs

He's reaching out
and He's got ahold of you.

Just don't pull away.

9/10/2014 - ALJ

Wonder

These are the times when I sit and wonder why

When the world seems so lonely and cold

But many options that I have to choose

It doesn’t make a difference without you

I sit and ponder it all over again

Why am I so alone while the world is paired up

When my friends have so many things to do

Growing older I see many younger than me

Find those to spend quality time

Time to waste away together

I yearn for it so though I may have to accept

That your plan for me is not to be loved

By a man all my own to have and to hold

It’s a hard thing to grasp and to own

That I may never be loved by a man

Though alone I may be, unloved I am not

But it’s hard to feel the hugs that are sent

From a Father from above that loves me it is true

Yet this body I reside in craves an actual touch

To be held and caressed and to be loved no less

Lord I pray and I find that I’m sad and resigned

To ever be fraught over this

The wish for joy and the hope for marriage bliss

It’s not a guarantee, maybe not for me

But I’ll pray every day that I’ll feel your love

9/9/2014 – ALJ

- Date Unknown -

capture these moments
better write them down
if not then
they may never be found
- ALJ -

Normal Things with Odd Feelings

like sending a text and waiting for a response
the reply and time to wait and see
making excuses and reasons it takes
so much longer, this wait starts to feel great
it's only a message, an answer to a question
but there's more to those words
and you hope and you cling
worried and nervous about such a simple thing
the stress that aligns with this odd feeling
makes you feel not so normal, but it's real all the same

8/29/2014 -- ALJ

With Me

As summer slows and fades to fall

I find myself here, contemplating it all

The life I want versus the life I lead

Not knowing yet what I truly need

My needs are met, that’s safe to say

But still I wonder more and more each day

What are the plans that you have in store?

What’s waiting just behind that door?

Each day I wake, open, and walk through

Ever looking for some guidance from you

To carry me safely down this winding path

As I reach for the happiness within my grasp

Lord, give me patience to find it soon

And never may I stumble too far from you

Within your arms, I choose to stay

Be with me now and each coming day

8/28/2014 – ALJ

Bikes

My first bike was purple; a very girly, pastel purple. I even recall riding that bike for so long one day that my hands started to bleed from gripping the handles so tightly.

I eventually got too big for that bike, right around the time I hit my tom-boy phase.

There's nothing special I remember about that 2nd bike. But the accident I had on it will be one of those moments I'll never forget.

My friend and I were racing down the street when the strap of my bag slipped from my shoulder. As I reached over to pull it back up, the bag slipped further down, falling between the front tire and bike frame, and abruptly stopping the bike. As for me, well, I learned my first Physics lesson that day - objects in motion tend to stay in motion. 

My friend claimed that my flip in the air looked pretty cool. Well...until the landing, which was on my face.

I wore glasses back then. And nearly lost an eye from the impact my face had with the pavement that day.

First time in an ambulance. First time at the ER. First set of stiches.

And yet, despite it all, I still love to ride.

Ltrs to Sheesh - 7/29/2014 - ALJ

An Idea

I fell in love with an idea
It's really not you
So though you won't fulfill it
Doesn't mean the idea goes too

I fell in love with an idea
And who knows if I'll find
The person to fill
This void in my mind

I fell in love with an idea
And it won't be the last
I'll keep looking for it in the future
Won't just keep it in my past

I fell in love with an idea
And though it feels wrong today
I might not need that idea
I can live without it, either way

I fell in love with an idea
And I'm not the only one
You've had ideas as well
I just wasn't the right one

7/13/14 -- ALJ